today I thought to talk about something different from what I usually write about. Of course my life is not perfect and there’s a thing that doesn’t help it at all: anxiety. I’m sure that unfortunately a lot of people, especially teenagers suffer from anxiety very often nowadays and when I though about writing on this topic, I was a bit scared because you don’t know me and you may think “who cares?!”….but then I said to myself that maybe with this post I could have helped both me and you. So, here is my story!
It all started in 2010 when I was 15 years old, and I haven’t figured it out the reasons yet, but I know that is still something I’m dealing with. Not to bother you with a long story, one day when I was away from home, all of a sudden, I had such a bad panic attack that I had to go to the hospital. Since then I started not to eat as much as before and in less than 2 months I lost 6 kg, feeling always tired and poorly. I had to stop ballet (after 14 years) and the only thing that kept my mind away was school. Luckily I kept having good marks, but my life has completely changed: all my friends didn’t understand what was happening, so they simply ‘ran away’ and left me alone. It’s definitely true that you understand who your real friends are, only when you need them!
My anxiety and then depression, grew up so much, that I had panic attacks for simple things such as going out on my own, talking to people or just…being in public. I couldn’t handle that situation anymore, so my mom decided to take me to a therapist. I know that it can really help someone, and it helped me in some ways, but at the end…during this 5 years, I felt that every time I had to go there, I started panicking both before and after, because she made me remember all the problems that were hidden inside my brain. Also, in this 5 years I’v been taking different pills to calm my anxiety down, one of them is Xanax (maybe the most known one), and after a long time I understood that my body started to get used to them and that they didn’t work anymore, so it was just my brain that thought I needed them. Thankfully my mom, without telling it to me, started to reduce the amount of medicines I had to take and until I didn’t discover it, I felt the same as before. Now I’m still facing anxiety and all my fears, but I’m trying to take the pills only when necessary and not everyday. I’m learning to control my panic attacks, and whenever I feel anxious, I try to think about something that makes me happy or keeps me concentrate, like planning the rest of the day or something similar. Now I’m getting a bit nervous and scared, so I won’t go deeper, but a thing that it’s important for me to say, is that knowing that I’m not alone and that there are a lot of people feeling the way I am, helped me a lot. So for this reason, I want to thank anyone who shares his personal story, because they can really help others. In particular I want to thank Zoe Sugg (Zoella) and Tanya Burr, two youtubers, who usually talk about anxiety in they videos and gave me/ are giving me, a lot of hope!
I really hope that this short blog post will help someone out there, and If you have any questions or want to give some suggestions on who to control anxiety (or in general) I’ll be very thankful. I hope not to have bothered you and to have made the right choice.